I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
soo... how was my night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
