I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
