Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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