The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
