Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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