mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
