that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
