It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
