He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
