I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
