so that wasnt chicken after all
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
