why didn't you poke me back
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think my moral compass just broke
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
