if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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