I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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