Midget sex pt 2 tonight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
