whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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