So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
