I want to have your abortion
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
