Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
