Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
