he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
