I hate all girls vehemently.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
