and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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