i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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