Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
