happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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