Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
