i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
