Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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