I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
