he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
