you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your penis caused this!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
