Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
