Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
