im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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