i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
