mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is my gift to your gina
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
