I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
