Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
