Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
