dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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