dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
