My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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