I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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