I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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