Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
