That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
