worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
