we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
