There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
