farters have to be the big spoon...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
