Define "chronic" masturbator.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
