youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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