Will you blow on my dice?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
