He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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