It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
