She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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