Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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