so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
