when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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