Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
