Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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