garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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