as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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