You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
