If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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