i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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