Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
