Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
