I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
