Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
