Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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