you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
