oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
