But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
